Thursday, September 29, 2011

She's Not Very Happy.

I went to sleep last night with a thought in my head, "am I doing what I really want. Am I happy?"
I've taught myself for years that happiness is a state of mind. That you control what effects your moods.
This is true to an extent.
You know that little voice inside your head that always jumps to conclusions? When you burst into tears when your car wont start, or your trying to find ways to pay for your first ticket? Once you stop the gasping breaths and blow your nose, don't you gain some reason?
I've been trying lately to teach myself to listen to the quieter voice. When I asked this question to myself last night, all these excuses and complaints rushed through my head in a fury of confusion and unanswered questions, blocking all thought processes. After laying there for a few minutes, the quieter voice begins to reason.
Now this might sound a little crazy, but bear with me. Once I started to work things out, my problems didn't seem so bad. Yeah maybe I got a ticket, and the car is trashed, but there is always a solution.
So today as I walked around the big ol school of learning, I watched people. Just by a way a person was standing, sitting, or walking, I could tell how they were feeling. One female was sitting distant from the others, with a look of complete concentration on her face. Moments later, she recieved a phone call where she burst into tears.
So I started checking myself, and seeing what habits I had formed that gave clue to my personal character. I held my head a little higher, and I smiled a little more. Low and behold a young lady from work mentioned that I looked happier. Is that all it really took? Yeah I learned to fake happiness with the best of them, but have I really gotten that transparent? I remember in high school when I was Miss. Optimistic. Not too long ago but it's been a while. It's funny what a little reality check can do to a worn out soul. But I'm back in check now, and the goals have been reinstated.
My goal for this week is to pay more attention to myself, and to do things that make me happy. Such as go home this weekend for my mother's 40 birthday ;) I'm also bringing back the HS goal of making at least one person smile everyday. We'll see how it goes.
Meanwhile, pay attention to that little voice and keep an eye on yourself.
Y"all be safe and Have a great weekend :)


  1. To quote the old Indian dude in the movie "Outlaw Jose Wales"......"We must endeavor to persevere"

    Times ain't always gonna be easy kid, but you will do fine. Trust in the Lord, talk to him....I have found so much peace in prayer....(but thats just me)

  2. Ditto what Warlock said, very true. Prayer truly helps. Tell you sweet mother happy birthday from me.

  3. You've had a rough week, and as much as you wanted and worked for this opportunity to go 'the big ol' school of learning,' it's a big reality check to move away from your family the first time. A big adjustment, but you're doing great.

    You found a good church, you have good friends, you have a family that adores you. The car situation will get resolved. It's your mom's birthday weekend and I know your dad is under the weather ...but those are all little snags in the big picture. Just being all under the same roof for a few days will work wonders for all of you. Happy birthday to your mom, and I hope your dad gets to feeling better and you have a safe trip back down here.

  4. As many of those days that you have that aren't so good you will have the ones that are. You will find yourself excited and ecstatic and wonder what the problem was before. Hang in there. It's coming. My youngest girl got a job two weeks ago and was very proud and excited. Last weekend they gave her an extra day on her schedule that she didn't want. We all adjust.

  5. Thanks y'all :) I made it back safe and am now counting down the days till Thanksgiving :)